I have witness several blog "conversations" among members of my church talking about the recent defeat of a ballot initiative in Maine which would have allowed same-sex marriage. The particular blog that has been troubling me is a private one, with only members allowed access. It is part of a group in the church that has a definite conservative bent. I have been debating for several days whether or not I want to enter the conversation. Here is a dry run for what I want to say.
A couple of recent comments on the Maine elections mentioned that there is a generation of kids today growing up with the idea that being gay or straight is not a big deal to them. I have also witnessed this first hand, as my step-daughter complains that it is hard for her to find dates at her Arts Magnet High School because so many of the boys are gay. When I was in High School, 25 years ago, nobody was gay. Or at least nobody knew that there were gay people around them.
If we can at least recognize that there are going to be more and more people under 30 who will eventually enter our church and maybe want to become involved, what should be our response to gay people in our midst? I have never seen this discussed explicitly, so I think maybe it would be helpful for us to consider some of the options:
1. Gay people should not be gay, and if they are, they need to ask God to change them. While the premise that God and the Bible clearly forbid homosexual conduct is less and less accepted as a given (let's face it, there are only a handful of verses that appear to talk about the subject), there is still a leaning towards this response in many circles. What is lacking if this is really the response that God wants, is a long line of success stories about how God has delivered gay people from their "sin." Sure there is a case or two that can be pointed to, but most of these are suspect upon serious scrutiny.
2. It's OK to have gay desires, but one must not act on them. While this satisfies the requirements of the seven or so problematic passages in the Bible, is celibacy for those who don't have the gift of celibacy really the answer? Didn't St. Paul say that it was better to marry than to burn? What usually happens is that those who try this approach are constantly in a state of falling out of their commitment to celibacy, developing a pattern of living two lives, neither of them completely honest. I would venture to say that many Catholic Priests fall into this category.
3. Let's just not deal with the issue. It's not an issue in our church. "Those people" can just go find a gay church, or skip church altogether. They are not our responsibility. The problem with this approach is that it is unbiblical. The church should always be reaching out to those who don't know Christ, or who are outcasts. In addition, there are many gay people who truly have a relationship with Christ and desire to worship and involve themselves with a local church. Should we exclude them just because of who they are?
4. Gays are welcome to be in our church, sing in the choir, serve in Missions, but we don't want to hear about their personal lives. We can just pretend that those two guys who are always in church next to us are just good friend. We can just pretend that those two older women who have shared decades living together are roomates only. We will expect that they NOT share things about their partners, children, home lives, that are ourside of what we deem to be "traditional" families.
5. Gays are welcome in the church, they can talk about being gay, but we will never embrace their relationships, bless their unions, or even encourage them to find partners for life. Since they are gay they must also be either perverts or promiscuous. They can carry on an endless search for the love of their lives, but without our support or acknowledgement.
This is a first draft, and I may edit it more before I post it to the private blog. But if you have any comments, please let me know. Especially if any of my points are unclear, wrong, illogical, or just too inflamatory.
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It has been my experience in another Spiritual Fellowship that I belong to, that it was easier to go to individual members of the group that are straight and that I feel comfortable with to ask the question and bring it up individually. Also, I lead my life as if they already know. Most folks are not dumb. It makes me think that the IMF is like a high school football locker room. From Compline I think that Richard, Marshall, and Gary Woods would be approachable on a one to one level The Prayer of ST. Francis is a good reference point too. Our showing up Sunday after Sunday helps too.
ReplyDeleteI just read Jules's email. Very well put. I woke up this morning remembering my friend Charlie Stewart and his almost constant reminder of who he was to Fathers Pritchard, Perry, Philput, and Smith. He always admonished me to remember that I was unique, but not special. I feel that the current regime is so much more in tune to our church than Smith ever was. Smith opened his mouth a little too much when it was not called for. His letter along with Bishop Stantons to the Diocese back in 2003 for example. I do not think that to oppose Gay marriage is to be homophobic in 2009. The question is still up for more enlightenment of the majority. I do think that by being myself, and knowing that God did not make a mistake by making me the way, and that the last shall be first, and the first last, that I just need to live one day at a time to the best of my ability.
ReplyDeleteI have no answers, but I think the previous commenter is definitely on to something. Be who you are - lead your life as if everyone else already knows.
ReplyDeleteI would add, be an example of a loving family (which you guys most certainly are). Modeling what you know to be true and what you want people to see will speak volumes.
OK, I do have one bit of advice. If the group you speak of is the one I'm thinking of, I would suggest that you speak selectively, with individuals you think most open to what you have to say. The rest won't hear it. They might eventually "hear" your actions.
- A friend from the parish